From the article: The Benefits of Forgiveness
Forgiveness isn't always easy, but it's generally necessary for emotional health and peace of mind. There are several routes to forgiveness--what's yours? How have you been able to show forgiveness in the face of betrayal, hardship and extreme stress in the past? Share your forgiveness recipe, and see how others manage to forgive. (Also, see the link below for research on forgiveness.) Share Your Thoughts!
What Worked for Me
- My parents were very abusive. The hatred, exploitation, and resentment of children were passed down for generations on both sides of my family, and the abuse I suffered as a child jaded my perspective and the course of my entire life. I knew I had to forgive in order to move on but I didn't know how. I read books and articles on the subject. Hours spent in therapists' chairs didn't do much for the process except help me understand why the offenses happened. I searched, meditated, and wrote for years, without results until I finally came upon my own resolution. I learned to completely "give back" the responsibility and burden of guilt, shame, abandonment, exploitation, depression, and heartbreak to those responsible for it. They have been dead for years, but in a powerful meditation, I gave back each of the burdens and then discovered the chain that bound us together severed. I turned away from them, and faced my own responsibility of building a life for myself.
- —Guest Noel
To Forgive is a Choice
- I learnt that most of what I do in life is based on my choices. First you must decide on whether to forgive or not when youconsider the pros and cons of that decision. I have decided that to forgive makes me feel better because people are assets and I can relate better with them when I forgive easily. I also feel good when I am forgiven. SO I MADE THE CHOICE TO FORGIVE IN ADVANCE!!! IT IS A CHOICE!! BELIEVE ME.
- —samimande
Rid of The Monster
- I find forgiving extremely hard but I also know the consequences of not letting go that appears as past resentments. It hurts my future, bringing the past ulcer along. Better to leave it there than to let it ruin my chances.
- —LouiseWilkins
Forgiveness
- I was in a terrible place when my boyfriend broke up with me. I decided one day that I would forgive him. My courage to forgive him gave me the strength to emerge from my depression and resume living a normal life again.
- —Tiffany1000
Common Mistake
- There is often times where "Forgiving" and "Forgetting" are confused. If we acknowledge the difference between the two, forgiveness is a lot easier. Now I do not mean that you "Say" that you Forgive a person and continue to hold a grudge. What I mean is you Forgive the person, but don't let yourself continue to let this person hurt you, like if a friend steals from you, it is one thing to forgive them and let go of the pain and disapointment, it is another to try to forget, let them into your house and let them do the same thing to you over and over. When someone hurts you, Forgiveness is just the first step in your healing process, then it takes time to build up the trust you once had, if that is even possible. Forgetting is something you can never do.
- —a007pilot
Forgiveness is Good
- Forgiveness is good, but how do you relate with the person again? I beleive in sincerity, not to pretend after the person has hurt you so much, that you forgive as if nothing has happened. It's good that way, but are you being truthful to yourself? Its very important.
- —mrstetteh
Gotta Know What You're Forgiving
- It might seem counterintuitive, but I've come to believe that it's hard to forgive someone when the whole thing to be forgiven hasn't been acknowledged. So at some point, I think it's good to take an inventory - not to come up with a list that you can use to take it out on the other person, but to make sure that there's nothing you're holding a grudge about that you haven't considered.
- —Guest Matt
Better to Let it Go
- For a long time I said I would never forgive my friend, even if she asked for it. She suddenly stopped talking to me, didn't return my calls or emails, and didn't even invite me to her wedding. All without a word. To say it hurt would be a gross understatement. I just didn't understand what happened! A few years later, she contacted me. And we talked. And she said sorry, and I said ok. And I decided that a grudge was not worth losing a dear old friend for. Much healthier to move along and forget the mistakes of the past.
- —EKJacques
Pros and Cons
- Make a list of pros and cons for forgiving a person (or yourself). If you want, take it a step further and list pros and cons of NOT forgiving.
- —Guest Lynn Northrop
Say It Out Loud
- May sound simplistic, but it is a really good start. Say, "I forgive _____ for _____." Say it several times. It get your mind and heart moving in the right direction.
- —Guest Lynn Northrop
Small Forgivenesses
- There have a few big forgiveness challenges in my life, but I find that it's the ability to forgive the small daily transgressions that keeps me sane. That has a lot to do with not taking things personally and trying to have empathy for where another is coming from.
- —Guest OMPilates
Perspective
- For me, trying to see the whole picture and to view the problem from the other person's point of view helps tremendously when I need to forgive someone who has hurt me. Most people really do have good souls, so they usually have a good reason for doing what they did. When I am able to empathize with them, my anger dissolves.
- —BBB
Time
- Sometimes it does take time. Be gentle with yourself.
- —Robin
