Stress + Guilt = More Than I Can Handle
- I am a SAHM. My children are 5 years, 2.75 years, and 5 months. The oldest has not yet started Kindergarten. As you can imagine, my days are full of changing diapers, breaking up fights, making meals and snacks, cleaning up spills, etc, etc, etc. Like a lot of you, the stress that I feel is overwhelming. But what makes matters worse, is that I always feel GUILT. As if parenting isn't hard enough, I have this heavy burden of guilt on my shoulders. Guilt that I am not feeding them healthy enough food. Guilt that I am yelling at them too much. Guilt that I am not teaching them the proper way to manage anger and deal with conflict (because goodness knows I don't do well with it). Guilt if I put him down for a nap. Guilt if I don't put him down for a nap. And on and on it goes. I think that somehow society puts pressure on us to be perfect parents. I feel like a failure because I am not enjoying this experience of parenthood. Plain and simple. I am a big failure.
- —AmandaLLN
I Am Not Alone And You Are Not Alone
- I am not alone and you are not alone. I was reading your stories, and I know there are some perfect mothers with clam mood and know how to deal with their child, especially if you are a new mother and just had your first baby. I was like that calm and enjoyed my first child, I had a great work and I was married, but my life has changed, now I have four children 10, 8, 6 and 2 years old. I try to be good mother but I feel very stressed, my marriage has ended and I am glad to take that step after 11 years of marriage, he suffers from mental health problems, I have no families here to help me or give me support!! I wanted to go back to work but I am also worried about the childcare expenses. Basically yes I am stressed, and yes being a mother is not an easy task. Yes, I love my children, but at the same time I just ask myself who is me? Where am I? What can I do for myself? How can I be happy? What makes me happy? It is part of being a mother and it’s a great being a mum and I love them very, very much.
- —Guest being a mother and no support!
A Dad responds
- I am currently staying at home for five weeks with my 19 month old son. Although my story doesn't reflect the norm, I wanted to state that I recognize and empathize with all of the people that are commenting on this issue. My wife is away for school for the five weeks. We were co-raising our son prior to her departure. Since she has gone, I have been 24/7 with our son. I have no family where we live and although my wife has a couple of cousins within 20 miles of our location, it has not been easy to first, ask for help, and second, to justify the help. My son is a beautiful, creative, intelligent, and VERY active little boy. I have felt some incredible stress lately, primarily due to him beginning to express his fiercely independent nature. I do not wish to quell that, but diapers still need to be changed - even if he is insistent that they are not. I remind myself every day - he is a spiritual being in a boy's body doing what little boys do, but I could sure use even an evening alone!
- —iridescentfilms
It will soon pass
- It is interesting reading the other responses as at times I feel like I am the only one going through this. I have two children aged three and 8 months and with my first child it felt as though I had all the time in the world. I did everything to the book and I really enjoyed being a parent. Fast forward a few years and I have turned into something that I never thought I would be. Like most I am a SAHM during the week and I feel so stressed out. I feel as though my children are suffering especially my three year old as I am always shouting when she does something wrong. On reflection I realise that there isn't any need for me to get angry as she is just being a normal three year old. I no longer have the patience that I used to have and I realise that if I don't calm down then she will end up as angry as I am, she is already exhibiting signs. I guess in a few years we will all look back on these times with our children and laugh but right now it seems as though it will never end.
- —Guest Reume
Losing it!
- I am losing my mind i think. I have 2 children, a 2 year old boy and a 4 month old boy. I am a stay at home mom during the week and work all weekend to make ends meet. The last few years has been crazy for us too. When we got pregnant with our first child my husband was making 10 an hour and I had no job... as well as facing issues from my husbands family and being upset about our pregnancy. Now 2 years later we are doing OK financially I guess. We dont have any breathing room but we have a home and a car. SO anyway Im starting to feel so heavy and just exhasuted all the time. I go out with my kids and I realized...I didnt eat anything. I am gaining more weight than I ever thought possible. Could it be from the stress or stuffing a meal in whenever i get the chance? My 2 year old is out of control. I guess no 2 year old is easy but he is whiney stubborn, and FULL OF ENergy! I can barely keep up. I need support. and a makeover asap!
- —Guest MommyO2
Been There
- I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old. I started to suffer with panic attacks about 2 years ago and finally got that under control. I am a SAHM. The stress has been huge for me throughout the years and though the kids are a little easier than they were before I feel that I am always tired and that the stress and fatigue just build and build. When do you start to feel like a normal person again? I am so tired all of the time and my 3 year old is constantly into stuff and making messes! I love my alone time but can't ever seem to get enough to "recoup" from the past 6 plus years of my life. I have found numerous ways to help w/stress such as: forgiveness, thinking of others and practicing acts of kindness on a daily basis, meditating on scripture, reading uplifting books, avoiding negative self-defeating thoughts, practicing being thankful, excersize of any kind, yoga, pilates, long baths, relaxing music, visualization (such as closing your eyes and imagining being on a vacation.)
- —Guest member 23
Loss Of Me
- I've been married for three years and have a one year old baby. I moved an hour away from home and feel that I lost all of my everyday support systems: family, friends, church. I wish I could stay home with my baby but I have to work because my husband's in school. I have been able to cope with very difficult things in the past but everyday is a struggle because I feel so alone and can't see the end in sight. Parenthood has been a difficult transition and I feel like nobody is willing to honestly talk about how difficult it is, thank you ladies for letting me know I'm not alone.
- —Guest selah
Totally Worn Out
- I am a 32 yr old mom of 5 children. My oldest will be turning 13 this year, 10 yr old, 6, 4 & 1 yrs old. I have always been the only 1 to take care of all my girls. my husband was always away at work. I had also been working. I had gone back to work for 6 months. I had to quit my job due to stress. Lately I've been feeling overwhelmed. I can't keep up with the cleaning cooking and take care of my kids at the same time. My neck and head constantly hurt. I never have a good sleep or a good nap. I am at the point where I feel like running away from it all. Luckly I have 1 real good friend and 1 sister who come and get me to get a little break and I've joined the church but still in feel as though my home life is totally out of control. This is way too much for one person to handle. My 12 yr old & 10 yr old don't help with anything cause I've always been the one to do everything for them. I need help breaking the usual way I did things. I feel guilty if someone else helps me. They don't listen to me. Help!
- —mummmmmmy
Is It Just Me?
- My husband thinks it's just me. I'd like a second opinion. I have a 4 month old with health concerns that require physical exercises, and a spirited 2 yr old whose favorite hobby is screaming. I care for them night and day. Newborn does not sleep through the night, (wakes every 1.5 hours). Husband hates his job, is always complaining. We rent a house and have no money and no prospects. He is at home all day, working on bottom floor so I watch children in the bedroom. His other children come stay with us for weeks at a time, turning our three bedroom condo into a seven person zoo. Constantly struggling to pay bills. My children are on Medicaid. I don't have money for day care, and have not finished college. My husband makes about 40,000 a year, but with five children that is not enough. My family is 800 miles away. His family can't help either. He has anger problems and yells and cusses a lot. We fight all the time because I don't want that kind of language in my home, around my kids.
- —Guest Alyssa
I Feel Your Pain
- I have a 1year old son. I'm 21 and I'm a first time mother. My boyfriend is always at work and I've been a stay home mom for almost two years. Being a stay home mom is so hard. I'm always irritated and find myself yelling and cursing to I hate that I get so angry with my son. He's just a baby, I know he dont mean no harm. He's a wonderful boy and I love him to death. I just want help with dealing with stress. Another thing that gets on my nerves is my boyfriend always wants sex and Im never in the mood because I'm always home with my son and I be tired. What's anybodys advice for stressed stay home moms?
- —Guest Raisa
Dust In The Wind
- I'm a mom to 4 kids. My kids are not perfect. I'm not world's greatest mom. My biggest worries that stress me out are I'm 38 and never learned my multiplacation facts, got 0.5 credits for h.s, and am afraid I won't accomlish anything in life. Will I ever be anybody ? I feel like all my life, every year has passed me by, but I'm thankful for my blessings. My faith and my kids keep me going. I'm wishing all the moms in the world best wishes to you this year.
- —Guest felix
What else?
- I am a new stay at home mom of a 2 year old and 2 month old. My life has come to the point where I am now asking myself 'what else will happen?'. In the past 3 years, my family has gone through three lay offs (2 for me, 1 for my husband), a bankruptcy, home sale and resale, as well moving 4 times. Basically the economy has completely kicked our butts! My 2 year old has daily tantrums, hits both my husband and I, is a very picky eater (sometimes refuses to eat), and my 2 month old is breastfed every 3 hours (which is to be expected). My husband works a lot of hours, mostly on nights and weekends, and I seem to be the only one doing the cooking, cleaning, and general house management. The stress and sleep deprivation has me completely emotionally and physically exhausted. Although my family and I are coming out of a difficult past 3 years, I am so thankful that we have been able to persevere, and continue to provide a loving home for our 2 children, one hurdle at a time.
- —Guest Guest Perserverance
Not Alone Anymore
- Found this site whilst looking for help with Stress and Anger..now finding myself relieved as I am not alone! After reading your stories, I find coping with my 1 1/2year old daughter and her daily tantrums the norm. Yelling is something I have resorted to a couple of times now, particularly after a row of nights with no sleep due to my daughter throwing up or screeming as I try to leave her room after her mid-night feed (oh yeah, she still wants milk at 2am every night!). The yelling is the reason for my 'soul searching' as I've listened to a 'AngerManagement CD' which states that if I continue yelling at my daughter, she will in turn be unable to cope with her anger...but I do beleive that half of this 'yelling' is my frustration at my partner for letting me do all the ''raising' on my own and now he's putting pressure on me to have our second child asap... Why would I?? And how could I if i can just about cope with one?!? Thanks for sharing your stories x
- —SunnyComeLately
OMG!!!!!
- Ok, well, my 3yr. old is just now able to be around kids her age, and she beats them up and it drives me crazy. Then when home, she tears up the house before I can clean everything . ANY ADVICE?
- —Guest steph
ALWAYS IRRITATED!
- I feel so selfish and ashamed in a way as I was reading some of the other responses and most of you have two or more children. I on the other hand have one son of 4 yrs old. I am a stay at home mother. It is the hardest job I have ever loved most of the time...LOL. He is very normal, very smart, sweet, loving, high energy. I have fibromyalgia and horomone issues and little patience to begin with, so it feels like I am constantly irritated over something.....Daddy works a lot but when he is here he is good. I just do not get enough me time I guess, but I know all in all I am still very very blessed. I just wish I had more patience as my son most of the time does not deserve me yelling at him and it is hard to pick your battles when he is doing so much to get upset/irritated about. He is all boy and yes that is great, but that does mean endless possibilities..lol! He is also very very strong minded *&* willed so it does make for more stress most of the time.
- —hormone7
