Minimize Conflict, Minimize Stress

Conflict is never fun. You don't need a stress management website to tell you that it's a huge stressor that can impact you physically as well as emotionally. When we have conflicts with people, we usually experience all the symptoms of a stress response: quickened pulse, cold hands and feet, shaking, and of course, difficulty thinking clearly. We can also feel a dull ache in different areas, often the chest, which leads to the attribution of the heart as the physical manifestation of the emotional center: a heavy heart, a broken heart.

Conflicts can take many forms, from mild frustration to all-out screaming matches, or even physical abuse. Conflicts can be open, with dirty looks, unkind words; or they can be under-the-surface, as with a friend who doesn't say they're angry but you can feel it from subtle behaviors like unreturned phone calls or a more formal tone of voice replacing a familiar one.

Ideally, we should all be able to talk to one another when we're upset, sharing our feelings, and seeking to understand the feelings of others. Approaching a conflict with empathy for the other person and a desire to understand the dynamics behind the conflict in a fair, caring way can go a long way toward keeping conflicts minimal and easily resolved.

Because relationships are a two-way street, the course of a conflict isn't always entirely in your hands. Sometimes the other person is in such a bad place that it's difficult for them to really hear what you have to say, no matter how you put it. And, of course, some people just have different levels of emotional intelligence, and that affects how they handle conflict. But approaching the other person with an open heart and willingness to listen can go a long way in minimizing conflicts in relationships of all kinds.

I The following resources can help you to better understand your current conflict-resolution style, and find areas to work toward as you build a life of less conflict and more harmony:

• Quiz: What's Your Conflict Resolution Style?

• The Toll of Conflict

• Effective Conflict Resolution Techniques

• Conflict Resolution Mistakes To Avoid

• The Surprising Benefits of Expressing Anger

One more thing: a little conflict can be fine--good even. (See the above link for more on why.) Those people who 'never argue' may not be getting their needs met. It's good to talk about things if you need something to change; just be careful in how you say it. What are your best conflict resolution tips? Share in the comments. (Then, share with the 'share' button :)