Sometimes Humor and Audacity Works
- I once had the chance to meet a well-respected psychiatrist while he was on rounds. He approached a patient, who was extremely irritable and agressive, and proceeded to tell the patient what a high opinion he had of her regular psychiatrist, and that he felt she couldn't be in better and more caring hands, to which the patient replied, angrily, I'm not working with HIM anymore! Not missing a beat, the psychiatrist said loudly, "WELL I'M THE STAFF PSYCHIATRIST, SO YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME, WHETHER I'M ANY GOOD OR NOT!
- —Guest disciplineandhonor
Changing One's Self
- I deal with difficult people by changing my responses. The one thing I've learned is that I can only change my response to difficult people (critical, blaming, resentful, irresponsible, self-centered, negative outlook). I can't change them unless they are ready to really listen to me or to act on my suggestions or suggestions from others. When I change my response to the difficult person, their initial "problem" and their typical responses don't work anymore. It ups the heat of the relationship, but I continue to remain cool and detached. That can force the difficult person to own their own stuff....good, bad or otherwise. I just live my life the way I want to and the difficult person is left wondering why we aren't close. Their loss, not mine. I know. I'm married to one who is narcissistic and self-centered and does not value my ideas, philosophy or just about anything. I'm happy with me, but he's not. It's a shame that he loses so much in our relationship. I remain happy with me!
- —Guest pudding
- She doesn't know marriage is. After 30 years she treated me as a foreign flesh. Either do as I told you or I will make your life miserable. That is her motto. Apart from that she takes her family advice without discussions. What they say, she makes pressure on me to accept, or ailments follow. Now after so many years I feel for her but she doesn't care. Better to end here because the matter is too long. Thanks for any help.
- —Guest firstname.lastname@example.org
Put Yourself in the Other Person's Shoes
- I own a business and when I have someone that seems difficult, I just put myself in their shoes and ask myself "What would I want this person do to make me happy?" I have these customers coming back and buying from me because they know they can count on being helped in finding what they need and have any problems resolved in a positive caring atmosphere.
- —Guest OzarksGma
- I faced some of difficult people when I was working at a hotel as a receptionist. I was behaving well with the guests & doing my job well, but although I worked hard, the manager did behave well with me. I had to decide that I will go on with him or serve my resignation. I tried to avoid him, but he didn't let me. Then I decided to leave the job & start again.
- —Guest Hatem Fathe
Answers to You
- 'Short Tempered", your boyfriend is a narcissistic antisocial, look it up and run away from him fast. Those types don't change. 'Ex-Girlfirend", Stop letting her know in any way you care. She needs the feelings she gets from making you jealous. Simply stop being Jealous, and go spend time with another lady who is fabulous. "My Daughter", I'd take the house back and smile. You do not have to beg for common decency. Others out there would appreciate such a gift honestly. 'Group Work", That, my friend, is the greatest argument against communism and socialism that I have heard recently. 'Always Right", you never said if he actually 'is" always right. Hmmmmm.
- My experiance has been to use reality--bring the difficult person to the same realistic place that one abides inside of. Recognizing that there are more people than can be seen in a difficult situation, can be a corral for the blindly difficult person. Getting such things to a more-officail place--rather than "one brings his trouble to work with them. Realize that some of us "are having fun". There seems to be no solution to a difficult person caught up in substance abuse or larceny; the difficult person really tends to be "aggressive" at a level that does require professional intervention. It becomes a silent moment to just "walk on by". With difficult family relationships, I think it requires getting back to what was always there (in the good times), the return to a better time should be a positive.
Shout With Them
- If I get someone who is difficult and loud, I get loud too and agree with them. You would be surprised how quiet they get.
- —Guest Bill
- I deal with hard people by not fighting or shouting or walking away. No, I try to deal with other kinds of people: difficult, good or bad the same. I deal by using my mind. It's the only way I have deal or not deal.
- —Guest ahmedhafiz
- I am a college student, and was recently placed into a group to do a project. It's really stressful, especially when you have to deal with people in a group, when most of them don't care, and all you want to do pass the assignment, without looking like an idiot. I tend to work alone, because I know I can count on myself to get my work done. Group work is my ultimate evil... because it means I have to trust people to get their part done... and if they don't, the group looks bad. Anyone out there know this feeling? Annoying isn't it?
- —Guest Jessica
- My daughter insists that I said something which I did not say. That was enough to stop communicateing with me. No Mother's Day, birthday or any other cards nor gifts no phone calls. Nothing at all, yet I gifted half the price of a fine home that was to be hers after I die. Until then, it was to help care for me. No communication at all now, even I try which is to no avail.
- —Guest lilolelady
Considerate communication matters
- I agree we're all difficult in our own way, but what makes a visible (although not necessarily substantive) difference is the style of communication we use. I know people who counter other people's comments most of the time. They might not be mean, but their style of communication lacks considerateness. Some others have a tendency to completely misunderstand you, thinking you're trying to degrade them in some way, so you might need to rexamine your own communication style. A working colleague of mine once returned back to me a gift I gave her warm-heartedly for her birthday, a book on rejuvenation exercises, after I disapproved one of her comments I found inappropriate. I never reacted to her overreaction, although it took me by surprise. After weeks of "offical communication only", we gradually started rebuilding the trust and now we're back to our normal mode of communication. We never cleared things up, we just let it go, but if that's what it takes for peace, so be it.
My Ex Girlfriend
- She loves making me jealous and what am I to do? I love her, still and until now she makes me jealous. Is that what you call difficult person?
- —Guest violet
- I have a boyfriend who is very respected by others and funny, so much fun to be around. People love him a lot! After six years being together I found he's always been self centered. To make a long story short, he doesn't want to "hear" anything negative out of me, so I have to keep "problems" or "concerns" to myself or he gets very irate behind closed doors. I've now learned to watch things happen as they do and later when he comes to me for any advice I tell him he wouldn't listen anyway and how he should think about wanting to hear MY OPINION first before he gets in that situation again. I can no longer be there for him if he's not wanting to include my thoughts, too. I love him and want to help, and I'm finding out if I show him how he's not letting me love him like I should maybe he will look at his actions a little differently. It's gotten pretty bad when I DID say anything about what he's done, so the silent treatment is the only other option.
- I think we are all difficult in our own way. So if we look at things trough this perspective it will be easier to deal with difficult people, to accept them as they are. I know is important to accept the things you cannot change but also try to change the things you can change. If you can't change a difficult person, change your attitude!
- —Guest Daniela