Be Your Own Valentine!
I'm almost surprised to say that I've been lucky enough to be in love for every Valentine's Day of my adult life, and V-Day has been one of my favorite holidays for the same amount of time. However, I admit that when I was younger and single, I wasn't sure how to celebrate the holiday. Without a specific "Valentine" (other than my mom), I felt that I was a little too old for those chalky candy hearts with vague messages on them, and a little too single for the roses, jewelry, and dinners for two that were being marketed to couples around me.
If I could, I'd love to tell single me what I know now about how to enjoy Valentine's Day as a single person--it would have relieved some stress. I can't tell her (me), but I can tell you--and I believe that this information could help your stress levels as well, even if you are not at all stressed about celebrating Valentine's Day single. Even if you are not even single!
What I'd like to share is the concept of being your own Valentine. This holiday is all about showing love to your "special someone," but who should be more special to you than you? To make the most of this holiday, I recommend treating yourself right by practicing excellent self-care, getting more pleasures in life, and doing the things you enjoy for the day. Why not get yourself some chocolates if you want them? Buy yourself fresh flowers and make your home a little more peaceful. If you'd like to get dressed up, why not dress up for yourself? You deserve it, and focusing on these things can bring you plenty of precious stress relief. You may just get inspired to do these nice things for yourself year-round, as you should!
In addition to taking special care of yourself for Valentine's Day, I would like to suggest that we all show our friends and loved ones some extra care. You may already be doing this, but if not, I encourage you to reach out to those you care about and let them know what you appreciate about them. Let them know you love them, and let them know what it is about them for which you are grateful. And if you are single and wishing you had a partner on Valentine's Day, spending time with a friend or group of friends is the way to go! Relationships, not just the romantic ones, but all of our healthy relationships, are what bring richness to our lives. Our relationships can be among our greatest assets for stress relief.
Whatever your plans, I'd like to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you have a day filled with love from many sources, and a week that keeps the good feelings going. The following resources can help you have a Valentine's Week to love.
Self-Care And Relationship Resources:
- Self Care Strategies You Shouldn't Miss
Taking good care of yourself is an important part of stress management! Give yourself the care you deserve and consult this list for ideas. - Pleasures In Life
Enjoying life's pleasures is a great way to increase happiness and reduce stress. Learn more about the research behing getting pleasure in life. - Laugh And Have more Fun
Laughter's not just the best medicine, it's the best stress reliever as well--or at least one of the best. Here's how to enjoy yourself more this Valentine's Day, or any day. - Overcoming Loneliness
If you're feeling lonely this Valentine's Day, you're not alone. The holiday that's designed for couples can sometimes make singles feel left out. Here's more to know about loneliness, and how to get past the feeling. - Benefits of Social Support
Here's why relationships are good for you, along with tips on how to cultivate more relationships in your life.
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Keep Your Sex Life "Valentine's Day Hot" All Year Long
This Valentine's Day, I sure there will be many, many couples enjoying a night of romance and passion. Of all the holidays, this one is the most likely to get people in the mood. And that's a very good thing!How about the rest of the year, though? Are you in a romantic relationship that's lost some of its luster? Do you find it to be more challenging to get into the mood than it used to be, and suspect this is due to stress? There are a few underlying reasons people experience a waning libido (lower sex drive), and they can include everything from underlying health problems to the natural progression of a relationship. (Those first few months are generally more intensely exciting than later months and years, though there are many benefits that come from a longer-standing relationship that more than make up for the shift.) Stress, however, is a widespread and often-overlooked culprit when it comes to a dampened desire; men and women alike can find themselves less romantically inclined when they're chronically stressed.
If you find yourself 'too tired' more often than you'd like to be, don't rule out the role of stress. And don't overlook the value of sex (within a healthy, committed relationship) as a great stress reliever as well. The following resources can tell you what you need to know.
Sex and Stress Resources:
- Sex as a Stress Relief Technique
How does sex work for stress relief? Let us count the ways! - How Stress Can Lead to Low Libido
It's not all in your head. Here are some of the ways that high stress is linked with low sex drive. - How To Get Into The Mood When You're Too Stressed For Sex
If you suspect that stress is dampening your fire, these tips can help you to bring back that lovin' feeling.
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Make The Most Of Chocolate!
One of my favorite parts of Valentine's Day is the excuse to eat chocolate. (Not that I usually need an excuse.) The celebration of love is wonderful, but the abundance of chocolate makes me feel just as warm inside. Indeed, I'm a chocoholic.Fortunately for the chocolate lovers among us, there are actually many health benefits to chocolate! Dark chocolate is best, small quantities are better than large, and mindfully eating your chocolate can bring added benefits, but just knowing that chocolate can be good for you makes Valentine's Day chocolates all the more sweet, in my opinion.
To make the most of the chocolate you enjoy for Valentine's Day and for the rest of the year, be sure to read the following resources. You'll get a full run-down on the benefits of chocolate (from several different angles), and you'll find out how to use chocolate as a stress relief tool. (I strongly recommend the chocolate meditation, especially for those who tend to binge on it, or those who find that regular meditation lacks flavor.)
In addition to collecting hugs and kisses from the ones you love on Valentine's Day, be sure to treat yourself to some dark chocolate, if it appeals to you. Enjoy the following.
Chocolate Lover's Resources:
- Dark Chocolate For Stress Relief
How can dark chocolate be used for stress relief? There are actually a few different ways, outlined here! - Health Benefits of Chocolate
From About.com Longevity, learn more about the many health benefits of chocolate. - Pitfalls of Chocolate
A little chocolate can be good for you, but it's not a the-more-the-better kind of thing. Here's how not to overdo it. - Try A Chocolate Meditation
As I mentioned, this is one of my favorite forms of meditation. It's great for those who love chocolate, find traditional meditation to be challenging, or who'd like to try something new.
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Relieve Stress On Facebook
Like many people I love Facebook. And while I started talking about the stress relieving benefits of Facebook quite a while back, I'd like to be sure you know about the stress management "fan page" I run. You can "like" it and have a more active presence on the page as well--you can share quotes and articles you find there, as well as read and share your thoughts on the ongoing resources you'll find from this site and around the web. I started the page yesterday and already have quite a few 'fans', and I'd love for you to be one of them. The About Stress Management Facebook page has several features in the works that can help you relieve stress. Joining it will allow you to:
- Resources and Links-I'll be linking to my articles as well as other articles that have stress management angles, so you can have a steady feed of pertinent stress relief info without having to go out of your way for it.
- Inspirational Quotes-Sometimes the right words at the right time can make a big impact. Having them show up in your Facebook news feed is much more convenient than seeking them out in the middle of a busy day.
- Connection-There's a real power in synergy. Connecting with others who are focusing on stress relief in their lives is a great way to gain forward momentum in your stress management goals.
- Serenity Pictures-I have a few photos of serene scenes posted, which are perfect for taking a quiet moment of reflection in the midst of a stressful day. You can post your own photos, too, and see what others have to share.
- Get Stress Relief Updates-You can get an RSS feed from this site, sign up for the weekly newsletter (sent twice a week) and get other ongoing stress reduction resources from this site, but the Facebook group will bring regular updates to your Facebook page and allow you to post links and photos, and share your expertise with the group.
Join My 'About Stress Management' Group I'd love to see you there!
Why It’s Not Too Late—And Perhaps It's The Perfect Time!
At least you're in good company!
Countless people find themselves doing the same thing around this time of year! Gym parking lots--always so packed during the month of January--start seeing more vacant parking spots. Schedules start filling up again, dessert starts looking better and better. If you're trying to change from sheer willpower and perfectionistic adherence to a stringent code of desired behavior for yourself, you may start feeling fatigued. You may have already slipped, or fallen off the wagon completely. You may be wondering if it's worth the effort to make changes.
First, I can tell you that it absolutely is! If you're reading this, it means that you care about making healthy changes in your life and want to relieve stress. Your goals aren't the problem, and using the new year as a springboard for change can work out very well. (And if you're one of the readers who didn't set goals for January, I implore you to take the opportunity to set some now!) But perhaps you're succumbing to common pitfalls that many people find challenging. This is all part of the process. In fact, with my coaching clients, I always mention that somewhere between Week 3 and Week 8, we usually see a dip in progress--the initial excitement of reaching new goals has worn off, and the work is starting to feel more challenging. The following are common impediments to change:
- Perfectionism: are you expecting perfection immediately, or are you gradually working up to your goal?
- All-Or-Nothing Thinking: if you find yourself slipping up, are you tempted to give up completely, or do you consider slipups to be a normal part of the process?
- Pessimism: do you consider backsliding a sign that you're not cut out to make these changes, or do you congratulate yourself when you catch the backsliding, knowing that redirecting yourself back toward your goal is a big step toward success?
- Support: do you have people in your life making the achievement of goals more difficult for you, or easier?
- Flexibility: do you stick with a plan that doesn't fit your lifestyle until you can't take it anymore, or are you able to shift gears and find a plan that does work for you?
The following links can help:
- Goal-Setting, and Reaching Goals
- Goals, Not Resolutions
- Free E Course on Making Changes Stick
- Overcoming Perfectionism
- Positive Peer Pressure
Fun New Tools For Stress Relief
Recently, a reader from the About Stress Management Facebook Page made an observation that many people feel, that altering thought patterns to reduce stress can be very challenging. She's right. But while stress management can sometimes be a challenge, it can also be fun! This blog brings some fun new tools you can use to relieve stress, as well as some great suggestions from other readers on how to have fun. Share your thoughts, and join us on Facebook (don't forget to "like") and Twitter for more interesting conversations.
Pinterest For Stress Management
I recently discovered the website Pinterest, and found it to be a great tool for those seeking stress relief, social connection, and even increased productivity. (Who knew!) If you're new to Pinterest (or if you're already a fan and haven't been using it for stress relief yet), here are some tips you can use.
Your Playlist Can Change Your Life
I recently read a book on the use of music for stress relief. While I've been an enthusiastic proponent for this great stress relief tool already, I was thoroughly impressed by the book and what it brings to the table for the average person seeking to maximize their experience and minimize stress. See why I heartily recommend this read (which you'll be hearing about some more in coming weeks), and see what you can do now for stress management with music.
Laugh More And Have Fun
It's important to let loose and have some fun, not only for the sake of enjoying life, but for balance and stress relief. Here are some of the best ways to use fun as a stress reliever.
What's Your Favorite Hobby for Stress Relief?
This is one of my more popular reader response articles--I have over 70 suggestions from readers regarding their favorite ways to have fun. While many of them may not be for you, some of these suggestions can bring a smile to your face and a sigh of contentment. If you have a favorite strategy to share, by all means, submit it to the group and give someone else a smile!
Family Health Problems: A Significant Source of Stress
According to a survey from the American Psychological Association, over half of Americans are experiencing stress due to health problems of family members--53%, which is up 6 percentage points from the numbers of the past two years. While sad, this statistic is not surprising. The rising number of older adults in America has meant that many middle-aged Americans (particularly women) are finding themselves taking care of their parents, many of whom are experiencing health issues. This comes on top of the regular health issues that can impact every member of a young family. All of these issues can contribute heavily to caregiver stress, which is a particularly taxing form of chronic stress for those who experience it. On top of the worry and concern for a family member's health and comfort, as well as the uncertainty of what the future may hold, caring for an ill family member can mean a hectic schedule and not enough down-time. All of these things can bring stress.
While there is often little one can do to influence the health of a parent, and many health issues may not be prevented in ways that we know of, there are still many things we can do to impact our own health and the health of our family and friends, and increase our own longevity, wellness, and quality of life. Additionally, because stress and health are connected, learning effective stress management techniques can contribute to overall wellness and help relieve the stress of a family member's illness at the same time.
The following resources can help with creating a healthy lifestyle and building stress management into your routine. Feel free to share your own suggestions in the comments section.
Additional Resources For Stress Management:
Quick Tip: A Little Exercise Goes A Long Way...
Research has shown that exercise can be an effective stress reliever. (Read about some of those benefits here.) I experienced this very clearly when I practiced martial arts in the midst of a very stressful period of my life; I'd be a bundle of nerves when I'd arrive at the dojo, and the stress would just melt away after a while--I could never quite tell how long it took, because I was so focused on what I was doing--and I'd be peaceful and sweaty after a hard 40 minutes of kicks and punches.For those who don't have the time or money to visit the gym as much as they'd like, can less intense workouts bring stress relief? What about just a few minutes? How short of an exercise session can one practice and still enjoy stress relief benefits? These were all questions that came up for me.
And these questions were largely answered in a recent study I was pleased to come across. College students were exposed to stress, asked to perform a very short-duration workout, and measured for stress relief effects afterward. The results made me want to jump for joy--for about three minutes. Here are the specifics of the study:
- This quantitative and impirical study examined 102 male and female UCSD undergraduates who participated for course credit, and who completed a challenging math assignment and endured some harassment, and then either performed three minutes of cardiovascular exercise, or sat for three minutes, to measure the potential physiological effects of the exercise against a control group. Continuous blood pressure and heart rate monitoring was done throughout the study, and changes from an initial resting baseline were calculated. During the manipulation, blood pressure for exercisers was higher than for controls, but soon after the tasks were completed the participants who had exercised had significantly lower systolic and diastolic blood pressure than those who had not exercised.
If this inspires you to get started with exercise, here are some resources to help you do so:
I used to think of exercise as something that needed to be practiced for at least 10 to 15 minutes before it made an impact. However, when I read the results of this research, I added 'exercise' to my short list of quick ways to relieve stress. Does it make you change the way you think about exercise? If so, how? Share your thoughts in the comments section, if you'd like, and feel free to visit the Facebook Page About Stress Management for more discussions and regular information on stress management.
Source:
Chafin, Sky; Gerin, William. (Jan. 2008). Improving cardiovascular recovery from
stress with brief poststress exercise. Health Psychology, 27(1, Suppl.), S64-S72.
Surround Yourself With Serenity
When you're at home, do you feel soothed or stressed? Many of us surround ourselves with clutter and don't realize the toll it takes on our energy levels, but the truth is that clutter can be draining, and can cause stress in unexpected ways. Decluttering your home--and the rest of your life--and surrounding yourself with 'positive energy' is a great way to relieve stress now and into the future. Here's what you need to create more serenity in your surroundings.
The Hidden Costs of Clutter
Learn about the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways that clutter can stress you, and find resources for putting a stop to it.
Make Your Home Your Sanctuary From Stress
Here are some low-stress tips for transforming your home a little or a lot. Create soothing order, and have fun while doing it!
How To Create a Home Spa
With a few minutes and the right setup, you can feel spa luxury in your own home. Here are some tips to get inspired.
How To Create A Peaceful Home
If your home isn't a peaceful place to be, fear not--it can be! Learn effective ways to transform your space into the space you'd like it to be.
Use Aromatherapy To Soothe Your Surroundings
Aromatherapy is a great tool for stress relief--you can passively relieve stress in yourself and everyone with you this way. Learn more about how aromatherapy works, and how it can work for you.
How To Surround Yourself With Positive Energy
Here are some general tips for creating serenity in your life.
©iStockphoto.com
Take Back Your Time!
Do you find yourself spending most of your life doing things you must do: things for other people, things for your job, things to keep your life running, things, things, things? How many of these things are done to bring a smile to your face and enjoyment to your life? Or, put another way, how much of your daily life is actually fun?
If you're like most people these days, you're overworked and overly stressed. People are working longer hours, and are needing to remain more focused as they deal with downsizing and an economic crunch that's being tangibly felt. And feeling overworked can take a heavy toll and lead to burnout. (Burnout can be brought on by a combination of long work hours, unpredictable job requirements, and a few other burnout risk factors that many people are experiencing with increasing frequency these days.)
Partially as a way to stave off burnout, and partially as a means to relieve general stress and make life more enjoyable and meaningful, I recommend that we all celebrate 'National Take Back Your Time Week' by culling our schedules, cutting out some unnecessary drudgery, and replacing it not with more unnecessary drudgery or reruns on t.v., but with revitalizing, life-affirming, or just plain fun activities that will soothe our souls and bring us more smiles. (See this related post for fun ideas.)
"That sounds great, Elizabeth, but where do we begin?" you may ask. This is the difficult part of the equation, of course, which often keeps people from making changes in their lives. Don't let this hurdle discourage you! Sometimes it's easy to see what time drains can be plugged--if you're watching several hours of television per night and getting no exercise, an obvious change can be made there. Sometimes time can be created by being more efficient in your everyday activities--taking shortcuts while fixing meals, or multi-tasking (but not too much).
Other times, difficult decisions must be made and certain activities must be dropped to make enough space for you to have a life-affirming hobby or maintain a healthy habit--ingredients for a stress relieving lifestyle. This can be a challenge, akin to de-cluttering your lifestyle; however, it's important to realize that when you don't make time for self-nurturing and just plain fun in your life, you're trading away the enjoyable life that you could have for a life that drains you without replenishing your emotional energy. You're choosing more stress, and perhaps the negative effects that come with chronic stress. When you think of it that way, it may be easier to cut out enough 'have to' activities in your schedule to add a few 'want to' activities.
The following articles can help you carve out some space in your schedule--to 'Take Back Your Time'!--so you can have more room for fun and stress relief in your life:
- Stress and Time: Strategies for Busy People
Here are some tips for busy people who want to change their priorities and cut out unnecessary activities from their schedules. - Time Management FAQ
Here are some general time management strategies for busy, stressed people. - Time Management Tips
Busy moms need time management help more than most! Here are some time management ideas for moms--and everyone else!
What are your best time management tips? How might you free up 30 minutes or two hours? Put your best ideas here in the comments!